While i'm reading your personal statement (after seeing your presentation on agenda and minutes) i felt like your voice is inside my head and you are telling me your statement/story. How comfortable it is! The "tone" of your statement is very nice and comfortable to read with. Also, your statement is very concise and interesting.
Anyway, in my humble opinions, since it should be professional personal statement, you might want to change "dad" to "father" as we knew that dad is informal way of addressing father.
In addition, i find the semicolon in this sentence is a bit awkward:"..commendable honors. As for my career goals; I wish to start as a..". I think that it should be:"..commendable honors; as for my career goals,I wish to start as a..". What you think?
Last but not least, i think that you should have another paragraph for the last sentence:"..I believe I am a rather easy going person and I take life as it is, but I still try my very best at all situations." as this sentence describe yourself and no longer related to animation anymore.
Arigato gozaimas for your comment. I think so too that I should change 'dad' to 'father'. I agree with you for the ';' as well. I guess I didn't notice it. Thanks for pointing it out :)
Thanks so much for the encouraging comment that you've sent in my recent blog post. I suppose i would not do you any justice if i didn't share my two cents worth on your personal statement. So here it is!
All in all, your biodata has a very complete approach in telling your readers who you really are. You started off firm and determined where you share your greatest interest in engineering and business. You also substantiated your interest with facts and personal experience which i felt was a a good approach to telling your readers that your capabilities as a person.
Towards the end, you ended with a lighter note and this helped to break the monotony of being too serious. (I mean, who would wanna read one's personal statement that is soo full of him/herself.) The last paragraph had shown the "softer" side of you which basically wrapped up the entry very nicely! Keep up the good job, yeah!
It is great to have a dream of starting your own company. Will be good to know what kind of online company it is... hehe
Nice write up, and I agree with Ryan, your voice is in my head (ahhhh!!!).
Sadly, I do not really enjoy much Japanese animation. Personally, I prefer reading DC/Marvel comics teehee.
Just a little note to Ariff. I am not sure but I heard from a senior of mine (who worked in Japan for a few weeks ), he said that it is considered rude to call Japanese a "Jap".
Pak: ohhh... too bad, you are missing out the fun of Japanese anime. Maybe you haven't watched good ones yet. You should try some really nice ones like 'Twelve Kingdoms' maybe you might like it...hahaha. I didn't know calling Japanese, 'Jap' is rude... :$ I guess I should stop saying Jap...haiz My 'company' is still not finalized. I hope to get it done soon :D It's more like branch out of my father's company...hehehe
World Rojak mainly means ‘a mixture of content’ in the context of our daily lives and the world. As to why I choose the name is because there are many things going on in our lives that affects not just us but everyone around us. My Blog is not just about the module (professional communication) but about the various experiences of my life and much more of course =)
As you can see, my name is pretty long so most people call me Keerth. I am a year 3 Electrical Engineering student. For a long time I have been wanting to start a Blog, but have been rather lazy. So when NUS offered a module where Blogging was in the syllabus I grabbed the opportunity the minute I got to know of the module.
I love travelling. I have promised myself I would travel around the world (at least to a few countries…) once I start earning that is. I play the Veena (Indian String Instrument). I have been learning since I was 5 years old. So I can say I am pretty good =) I play chess, badminton. I love long walks. My favourite place in Singapore would be East Coast Park…I have camped over countless number of times…It’s the only place where I get some good relaxation. I am a crazy fan of Japanese anime. I have watched so many animes that I can call myself an expert in ‘watching’ anime… hahaha, so if anyone wants any suggestion of animes feel free to ask me =)
Hi Keerth,
ReplyDeleteWhile i'm reading your personal statement (after seeing your presentation on agenda and minutes) i felt like your voice is inside my head and you are telling me your statement/story. How comfortable it is! The "tone" of your statement is very nice and comfortable to read with. Also, your statement is very concise and interesting.
Anyway, in my humble opinions, since it should be professional personal statement, you might want to change "dad" to "father" as we knew that dad is informal way of addressing father.
In addition, i find the semicolon in this sentence is a bit awkward:"..commendable honors. As for my career goals; I wish to start as a..". I think that it should be:"..commendable honors; as for my career goals,I wish to start as a..". What you think?
Last but not least, i think that you should have another paragraph for the last sentence:"..I believe I am a rather easy going person and I take life as it is, but I still try my very best at all situations." as this sentence describe yourself and no longer related to animation anymore.
Hope these help.
Cheers,
Ryan
Hi again,
ReplyDeleteLast but not least, GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR DREAMS AND GAN BA TE KU DA SAI!
:)
Best regards,
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteArigato gozaimas for your comment. I think so too that I should change 'dad' to 'father'. I agree with you for the ';' as well. I guess I didn't notice it. Thanks for pointing it out :)
And good luck for your dreams too!
Arigato,
Keerth
Hi Keerth,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the encouraging comment that you've sent in my recent blog post. I suppose i would not do you any justice if i didn't share my two cents worth on your personal statement. So here it is!
All in all, your biodata has a very complete approach in telling your readers who you really are. You started off firm and determined where you share your greatest interest in engineering and business. You also substantiated your interest with facts and personal experience which i felt was a a good approach to telling your readers that your capabilities as a person.
Towards the end, you ended with a lighter note and this helped to break the monotony of being too serious. (I mean, who would wanna read one's personal statement that is soo full of him/herself.) The last paragraph had shown the "softer" side of you which basically wrapped up the entry very nicely! Keep up the good job, yeah!
PS: I LOVE Jap animation too! :D
Cheers,
Ariff
Hi Keerth,
ReplyDeleteIt is great to have a dream of starting your own company. Will be good to know what kind of online company it is... hehe
Nice write up, and I agree with Ryan, your voice is in my head (ahhhh!!!).
Sadly, I do not really enjoy much Japanese animation. Personally, I prefer reading DC/Marvel comics teehee.
Just a little note to Ariff. I am not sure but I heard from a senior of mine (who worked in Japan for a few weeks ), he said that it is considered rude to call Japanese a "Jap".
Regards,
Pak Ming
Hi all thanks for your comments :)
ReplyDeletePak: ohhh... too bad, you are missing out the fun of Japanese anime. Maybe you haven't watched good ones yet. You should try some really nice ones like 'Twelve Kingdoms' maybe you might like it...hahaha. I didn't know calling Japanese, 'Jap' is rude... :$ I guess I should stop saying Jap...haiz
My 'company' is still not finalized. I hope to get it done soon :D It's more like branch out of my father's company...hehehe
Ariff: Yay! u like anime too :P
Thanks,
Keerth